The Fear of Rejection.
What is it that makes the fear of rejection so terrifying? It literally encompasses our whole being at times. There are so many areas in which we feel it too. Have you ever not applied for that dream job because you were worried you wouldn’t be good enough? Have you ever not been completely honest with a person you have feelings for because you are scared they won't like you back? Do you lead a life that is far from the one you truly wish to live because you are scared of been rejected by the people you are close too. You are not alone. So many of us are scared of putting ourselves out there incase we aren't accepted.
Personally I'm no stranger to the fear of rejection, I have spent years battling with my inner voice that constantly tries to put me down, only now I am finding ways to take the never ending negative chit chat and use it to my advantage. I spent years being so uncomfortable in my own skin, I used to compare myself to others so much and literally lose sleep over my appearance. I would worry so much about how I looked and my head would be full of "I just want to look like her", "why can't I be like her" deliberations. Comparing myself to others was so detrimental to my own growth, the growth that I was so desperately craving. One of the best realisations I ever had was that if I wanted to be happy, I had to accept myself, if there were parts of myself that I didn’t like I had to change them, or better them. Cue years of dramatic change and a mission to better myself through learning. I can now look in the mirror and smile, I am the person I want to be right at this moment.
Body hang ups played a huge part in my fight with the fear of rejection. I was so insecure in my own skin that I didn’t dare bare it. The human body is naturally one of the most beautiful shapes on the planet and yet for so long I was so scared to undress around people. I would feel full of dread when it came to summer and my bikini body didn’t match my ideals reflected upon me by society. I would literally freeze up in times of intimacy with people because I was so scared they would reject my appearance. How messed up is that?! The human body comes in all different shapes and sizes, they are all so magnificently beautiful. Body confidence is so hard to obtain and if I am completely honest it is still something I am working on but lets work on it together. Be open, don’t bottle thoughts and feelings up. Encourage each other to talk about things and help each other arrive at a place of acceptance with the way we look.
I have constant worries regarding being my true self around my parents too. I am forever worried that being myself is going to cause conflict and that they might reject me. Being from a background where the norm is to study, work hard in a nine to five job, buy property and settle, I find it hard to conform. My free spirit lifestyle does not sit well with them and sometimes I find myself compromising my views and beliefs in order to gel with them. On reflection is this a way to live? I want authentic relationships with everyone around me and where my family mean so much to me, I crave the closeness of real relationships with them.
I mentioned earlier about not applying for jobs because of self doubt, I am so guilty of this. Over the years I have felt so many restrictions regarding my career, countless jobs I felt like I would of excelled in and would have been so happy in but I didn’t apply because I listened to that inner voice who was busy telling me I wasn’t good enough. Not believing in your own ability is such a self sabotage. I truly believe every person has a unique gift for the good of this planet, it's our job to find it, believe in it and shine the light for others. No matter what your gift may be whether it's creative, caring or intellectual believe in it. The more comfortable you become in your own body and the more you believe in yourself the more fulfilling life becomes.
I can't talk about the fear of rejection without talking about the pain of rejection, the two come hand in hand. There's nothing quite like the pain caused by the universe dragging you back down from cloud nine but honestly, what would the world be if we didn’t take the leap of faith. Pain passes, time heals. You will get over it. True happiness is found just outside of the comfort zone that the fear of rejection provides. Be brave enough to take steps towards self acceptance and aim to overcome your fears.
The more you lead an honest, loving and open life that self acceptance provides, life will get easier. External pressures will become less of a priority if not literally fall away and you will be able to focus on achieving your dreams. Communication and connections with others will deepen because it will be on a heartfelt, real, less superficial level. The opportunities that are coming your way? Grab them. You are ready. Fear of rejection has had the power to put your life on hold for so long but it is now time to claim that power back, it's time to move forward.