JUST BECAUSE HE WANTED TO

  consent

consent

I didn’t know how to say no

So I did it anyway.

 

It didn’t feel right

But I did it anyway.

 

I felt so insecure

But I did it anyway.

 

I didn’t want him to judge me

I didn’t want to upset him

So I did it anyway.

 

He wouldn’t listen when I said no

He thought I was joking

So I did it anyway.

 

He was stronger than me

I couldn’t fight him off

So I did it anyway.

 

He wouldn’t take no for an answer

So I did it anyway.

 

I just wanted to be friends

But he wouldn’t stop trying

So I just did it anyway.

 

I did want to

Just not there

Just not then

But I did it anyway. 

 

I did want to

I just wasn’t ready

But I did it anyway.

 

I’ve had so many conversations with women recently about how they slept with guys when they didn’t necessarily want to, it is driving me crazy to listen to the stories but the sad truth is, it is such a common issue young women face today. I can however relate so much though because for many years I slept with guys that in retrospect were not good for me and for all the wrong reasons; I couldn’t communicate with them properly on any level and sex always left me craving more emotionally and sexually.

Countless times I slept with certain guys because they wanted sex, I felt obliged to because I wanted to make them happy. I remember numerous occasions where I just let sex happen because I knew that it would keep the peace and led to a less persistent man. Often straight after I had let sex just happen the guy would turn over and fall straight to sleep, completely oblivious to how he’d left me feeling. It used to tear me apart. I would lay there feeling used, unnoticed, unloved, and worthless.

I’ve had experiences in the past where I would let sex just happen with friends too because they wouldn’t take no for an answer. I’m a really loving person, I idealise some of my guy friends and we have amazing connections but this has led to blurred lines and confused boundaries before. Lack of clear communication led to them thinking I was leading them on or teasing them when I said no to sex.

I see the topic of consent being spoken a lot by young progressive thinking women but I also see some women really struggling to find their power. I see women racked with insecurities, that aren’t comfortable in their own bodies, that haven’t quite found their voices yet. They haven’t learnt how to set clear boundaries between themselves and guys. I know that saying no isn’t easy and sometimes it’s really daunting. Sometimes every cell of your body is saying no but for some unknown reason the word just isn’t leaving your mouth. I remember having thoughts about being rejected or bad mouthed if I didn’t go along with it but, we owe it to ourselves to learn to create boundaries.

Learning to be comfortable in my own skin and learning how to use my own voice to communicate consciously with people wasn’t easy and it is an ongoing battle but I want to encourage more women to try. You are so incredibly beautiful inside and out and you deserve to be having great sex, on your terms, with the people you want. So what if saying no upsets them? If it upsets them I would be questioning their qualities and values as a sexual partner. Do you really want to be sharing your energy with someone that doesn’t respect your voice? You owe it to yourself to not allow people to take your power. You deserve to be seen, to be heard, to be understood, to be loved.

We live in a world where slowly people are waking up and becoming more conscious, I really believe that communication between men and women is getting better but we have to help it along. How can we expect them to support us and love us better if we don’t share our thoughts, feelings and sexual desires with them?

 

You owe it to yourself to take your power back.

You owe it to yourself to speak your truth.

You owe it to yourself to only accept what you deserve and refuse absolutely anything less.

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You owe it to yourself to say no when you’re doing it just because he wanted to.