A letter to my heart broken self: What I wish someone had told to me mid break up.
Girl... I promise you right now that even though it feels like your world is ending, it's not. Life is just about to change, change is good. I know that he was your world, I know that you became "us" instead of "I" but it is time to start understanding that there is a world beyond him. This world is so full of love, beauty and magic that one day you'll question how you ever relied on just one person for all of it.
If this breakup is fresh I can guess that you’re doubled over in pain right now, unable to eat, to think straight or to stop crying – this is natural. You are an amazing young woman that clearly loved him VERY much, all of these emotions just show how much you cared. Take your time. Absolutely no one expects you to be over this by next week, there is no time frame. Allow yourself to feel what you feel when you feel it, no fighting emotions please, be free.
You want him, so badly. Nothing is going to make this better apart from him telling you he is sorry, holding you in his arms, reassuring you that he didn’t mean it and that you will stay together forever from this point onwards. This isn't going to happen. What's next to come isn't particularly nice but it's going to happen and at the end of it you'll be happier, stronger and more resilient than ever. Healing hurts but you can’t deny the journey that lays ahead.
If you're lucky the guy that broke your heart has done it with as much dignity and grace as possible and has quickly vanished out of your life to give you the time and space you need. If you aren't so lucky then he’s still there; lashing out, belittling you, making you feel like you're going insane. This is hard to understand at this point but please try - you have not done anything wrong, you are not to blame. You are so incredibly special and deserve to be loved that way, anything less is not worth your time. There are so many emotions flying around, it is so intense but please try and look after yourself. The cure for this pain you feel is time and love for yourself, not endless parties, sex with strangers and self-sabotage. You are fragile, be fragile, protect yourself. There is so much strength to be found within vulnerability.
A while after the initial break up (I say a while because I want to be as vague as I can be – there are no time frames remember), some normality has to be applied to life. You have to detach from him, from his friends, from places you used to visit together, from anything that may cause unnecessary pain. This period of adaptation feels strange, you're learning how to be yourself again. I want you to surround yourself with good people, people you can talk to, who are positive, loving and that have your best intentions at heart. I want you to start interacting with life more, exploring and reminding yourself of how much fun can be had. You don't have to be okay, no one expects that but you do have to be. The time for wallowing is over, time to start feeling positive emotions again. Emotions come and go every second of every day, feel them all, allow them all to pass through you. Talk to your friends, bottling thoughts and feelings up is the most deteremental thing you can do and it won’t heal your heart. Talking about how you feel will make you feel better too, vocalising how you feel is one of the first stages of releasing blocked energy. No one needs to carry negative energy around, talk it out – let go of those thoughts and feelings.
As the pain subsides eventually there will come a time when you will start feeling yourself, you start to feel happiness, you can naturally smile again. Enjoy every single second of this – keep your eyes, head and heart wide open, notice how amazing life is. You coped, you got through the worst. The universe provides us with untold amounts of positive energy, it is yours to tap into. I'm not saying that he has gone completely, perhaps you still think about him once in a while but what I am saying is that now, you are your main focus. There is nothing wrong with being your own priority; put yourself first, do things that make you happy, nourish yourself, do things that enrich your life. This is a great time for renewal or reinvention, the person you were is in the past, it’s time to embrace the new you and all the great opportunities ahead. Keep your face towards the sun and strive towards a new life full of love for yourself, your friends, family and enjoy the beauty of leading a grateful, mindful life.